


Take A Drive

by aingealcethlenn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Mild Language, Near Death, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 22:16:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17353631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aingealcethlenn/pseuds/aingealcethlenn
Summary: When Y/N goes on a hunt alone and things go south, the Winchesters must not only save her from the monsters trying to kill her, but also make her realize what she’s doing, or else they could risk losing her for good.





	Take A Drive

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings - Angst, Language, Mentions of violence, Mentions of death/near death, Suicidal actions, Depression
> 
> Based on the Nick Alligood song “Take A Drive”

It had been a rough few weeks lately...  
…Oh, who am I kidding.  
It had been a terrible few weeks.  
  
Anything that could possibly go wrong, did. Any petty monster, demon, or creepy crawly piece of shit that could rear its fugly head, did.  
  
This last hunt, though? Was what finally did me in.  
I let the sleepless nights, the countless hours on the road, the pure, raw, emotion take me over - more like bash me over the head with a brick.  
  
I was sick of these… these… _things_ trying to take my family from me.   
Sick of seeing my boys hurt.   
Sick of having to mend bones, clean cuts, stitch up gashes.   
  
It wasn’t that these monsters were difficult in and of themselves, but for some unknown reason they were working together recently, and that just made it a sheer numbers advantage.  
  
The hunt last week was different though; I was pissed off.  
This time? These freaks were messing with _me_. And I’d be damned if I let them take me without a fight.  
  
Sure, I knew better than to take off alone - it was a suicide mission and I knew it -  but that wasn’t going to stop me this time. I walked into that nest with one thing on my mind. Take out the enemy before they took me out.  
  
I wasn’t expecting a group of demons to be watching the nest though. Vampires are tough enough to catch off guard, let alone kill; especially an entire nest of them. Throwing in a twist like this was just going to make it that much tougher.  
  
I got through though. Took out a few demons, and was able to cause enough of a distraction elsewhere to take the attention of the rest of them away from the nest.  
  
Once inside - well that’s when things got difficult. I was only able to take out three of those blood suckers before I was ambushed.  
  
I hadn’t been given any blood, so there was no worry there. They didn’t want to turn me, they wanted me dead. Drained of blood so there was no possibility of survival.  
  
Lucky for me, Sam and Dean realized I was missing and figured out my plan quick enough. Nevertheless, by the time they arrived I was pretty far gone.  
  
Now it was their turn to take care of me. Their turn to nurse me back to health.  
  
With a little help from witchcraft - bless those bitches and their spells…sometimes it wasn’t such a bad thing to have Rowena around - I was back to myself in a matter of days.  
  
Despite the ordeal that went down - the near death experience and all - it didn’t stop Dean from speaking his mind once I was finally well enough to deal with it.  
  
Seeing me sitting in the library when he returned from a liquor run, seemed like a good starting point for him.  
“What were you thinking Y/N?” Dean bellowed, throwing his jacket over a chair, directly over top my own.  
  
Knowing exactly what he was talking about, I didn’t even bother looking up. “I was thinking, how I was tired of mending you two up. How those stupid creatures keep attacking in swarms. How, instead of laying low like they would normally do, things have been flipped on their head and they don’t give two shits about being caught anymore. I was thinking…”  
  
“You weren’t thinking at all about the consequences though, were you?” he interrupted. “Didn’t stop to think what it might be like for Sam and I if we didn’t get there in time, huh?”  
  
“Dean… I…” I let out a heavy sigh. “No. You know what?” I stood from the chair I’d been seated in, “I thought about _all_ of that. And then I pushed it out of my head, and did what I had set out to do. I killed things last week that had taken innocent lives. I pulled myself together, and used all that damn pent up aggression I was harboring, and I killed those damn monsters!”  
  
“Do you not understand that we could have lost you, Y/N?” His tone was still hard, but I could see the pain in his eyes. “If Sam & I hadn’t -”  
  
“Did you ever stop to think, maybe I didn’t want you to save me?” Dean’s face dropped ever so slightly at my words. I could tell they stung, but they hurt me even worse. “No matter what I do, I seem to continue coming in last. I can’t drown the past anymore… it’s learned how to swim. I can’t… I can’t close my eyes at night, without my troubles seeping in and turning my dreams into nightmares.” I couldn’t hide the emptiness in my voice.  
  
"So, what you’re saying, is you wanted to get caught. You wanted to go into that nest of vampires, and never come back out. Is that what I’m getting?” The voice I heard falling from his lips was one I had never heard from Dean before. He sounded… guilty.  
  
“That’s not what I said Dean. Of course I didn’t want to get caught.” I was irritated by this conversation. I was scared. I was… I don’t know what I was anymore.  
  
“Then I guess I don’t -” he started before I interrupted him abruptly.  
  
“I just don’t want to feel anything anymore Dean. Okay? Is that clear enough for you to follow?” I snapped, turning on my heels, storming off to my room, roughly pushing past Sam as he made his way to check on what all the commotion was about, slamming the door once I was inside.  
  
I leaned back against the door, sighing quietly as I slid down to the floor, listening to the muffled sounds of Sam and Dean discussing what just happened.  
  
I didn’t mean to snap at Dean, it just happened. Sometimes I just couldn’t shut that switch off once it’s been flipped.  
  
It wasn’t long before I heard Dean’s footsteps coming down the hall. Standing from my spot on the floor I changed into an oversized t-shirt and some shorts, hoping some rest will help improve my mood. As I crawl into bed, I hear Dean’s door close, and silence engulfs the bunker, and more specifically, my bedroom.  
  
After lying in silence for what seemed like eternity, unable to sleep, I leave my bed and put on a fresh pair of clothes. Knowing the brothers are fairly light sleepers, I’m careful to stay as quiet as possible.  
Clicking my door open, I step through the threshold into the hall before carefully clicking it closed once more and heading toward the main areas.  
  
Dean had left his jacket draped over the chair in the library.  
When I picked it up in an attempt to get my own coat, figuring if I couldn’t sleep I might as well take a drive, it felt heavy. Seems Dean left the keys for the car - and the bunker - in his jacket pocket.  
  
This wasn’t typical of him, he always kept his stuff in his room. It was just another thing that told me the events of last week had rattled him as much as they had me. We just each had very different ways of dealing with things.  
  
It had been a long time since I had driven Baby. She used to be my escape when I needed to clear my head.  
  
Smirking to myself as I recalled the times I would carefully fish the keys out of Dean’s discarded clothes, and tip-toe out of the different motel rooms to sit in the silence that Baby offered.  
  
The times I would put the keys in the ignition, and start her up to hear that purr of her engine; sometimes taking her for a short drive, only to make it back minutes before the sun - and the brothers - would be up for the day.  
  
Nonetheless, now that we had the bunker, and a garage full of cars, I had my pick of what to use. I didn’t see the sense in trying to sneak the keys to drive Dean’s car anymore when I could just as easily take another.  
  
But, considering the circumstances, I felt the need to take the Chevy out for a drive. Call it sentimental, call it cheesy, call it whatever you want, but there was something about that car that could calm my rattled nerves and silence the monsters I carried with me in my own head better than anything else in this world.  
  
Taking the keys from the pocket, I forgot all about my jacket and took off for the garage, as quietly as possible.  
  
With the roar of the engine, I was thankful the garage was far away from the rooms so there was no chance in them hearing me leave.  
  
I threw the car in drive, and took off for the open road. I had no destination in mind; I was headed nowhere, but I was headed there fast.  
  
After a bit of mindless cruising - you know the type, when your mind goes blank and you zone out completely, only to come to and wonder how the hell you’re still alive and have no idea how you arrived to where you are - I finally engaged myself and started to focus, finding myself stopped on the side of a lonely road.  
  


* * *

_ Dean rolled out of bed, unable to sleep after what happened between Y/N and himself earlier. Thinking, maybe trying to apologize was the best thing he could do to ease his mind.  
  
_ _ Making his way to Y/N’s room, he felt a ping in the pit of his stomach. Something telling him to worry. Ignoring it, he opened Y/N’s door slowly.  
  
_ _ “Y/N? You awake?” he offered in a whisper.  
  
_ _ When he didn’t hear a response, he opened the door farther to at least check on her. Seeing her bed empty, he suddenly realized something may actually be wrong.  
  
_ _ He made his way quickly to the main rooms of the bunker, checking everywhere he would expect her to be. Finding her nowhere, Dean made his way to Sam’s room to wake him.  
  
_ _ Knocking on Sam’s door, he doesn’t wait for a response. Throwing the door open, he yells for his brother.  
  
_ _ “Sammy! Wake up! Y/N is missing!”  
  
_ _ “What?” Sam’s voice is full of worry and sleep, having been woken so abruptly.  
  
_ _ “Y/N… is… missing!” He restated slowly.  
  
_ _ “She couldn’t have gone far Dean.” Sam tried to reassure. “Did you check the garage?” he offered, rubbing his eyes, still trying to wake up completely.  
  
_ _ “The garage?” Dean questioned. Sam nodded in reply. “Why would I check the garage, Sam? She’s a person, not a car.”  
  
_ __ “Because, Dean, Y/N tends to sit in one of the cars when she can’t sleep.”   


* * *

I ran my hands over the steering wheel, feeling the smooth leather against my skin. The road in front of me was wide open, and in this small, map dot town, I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about cops, or even other drivers for that matter, out this late at night.  
  
I may have been feeling lost, caught up in all the insanity that goes along with this life, but tonight? Tonight, I was going to find myself again. Forget the troubles, forget the insanity, forget the past; at least for a brief time.  
  
I reached across the seat, and lowered the passenger window. Once I was back in my spot, I lowered my window as well before pushing the gas pedal slowly to the floor, and listening to the engine purr as it moved increasingly faster down the road.  
  
This was my therapy. This was my comfort zone.  
The open road. The engine roaring.  
  
When the Chevy hits about 85, is when I truly feel alive again.  
The breeze rolling in, washing over me as if it were washing my sins away, being baptized by the open road.  
  
Breathing in that sweet Kansas atmosphere, the speakers bumping to some upbeat country music - _of course, I’d never tell Dean his baby played anything but his rock tapes_ \- rolling on for miles at a time.  


* * *

_ “SAAAAMMMM!!” Dean’s voice carried throughout the bunker. Within a couple minutes, Sam appeared in the doorway to the garage. “It’s gone Sam!”  
  
_ _ “What’s gone Dean?” He made his way to where his brother stood.  
  
_ _ “She took my car!”  
  
_ _ “I’m right here Dean, you really don’t need to yell anymore.” Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. “Look, why don’t I try to call her and see where she is?”  
  
_ _ Dean didn’t respond. He appeared to be hyperventilating at the knowledge of someone else driving his beloved vehicle.  
  
_ __ “Go… Go sit down.” He clapped his hand on his brother’s shoulder, “I’ll get your car back.”   


* * *

I don’t know how long I had been driving. Hell, I don’t even completely know where I am. All I really knew, was that I needed to top off the car if I had any intent on making it back to the bunker.  
  
As I pull into the gas station, and up to the pump, I hear my phone vibrating on the seat. I didn’t care who it was, or what they wanted, so I ignored it.  
  
Climbing out, I opened the door for the gas tank, and removed the cover. I knew I couldn’t put the cheap gas in Baby’s tank, so I filled her up with the premium stuff. Once the gas cap was back on, I sat back in her seat and looked at my phone.  
  
3 missed calls. All from Sam.  
Just as I was about to clear them all from my screen, his name appeared again. No sense ignoring it again.  
  
“What is it Sam?” I said abruptly, as soon as the screen had shown the call starting.  
  
“Where are you Y/N? I’ve called you three times already. We’re worried about you.”  
  
“No, you’re not. Dean is worried about his precious car, that’s all.” I snidely replied.  
  
“You know that’s not true.” I laughed a little at Sam’s attempt to make me feel significant. “I mean, sure he is worried about the car, but we’re more worried about you.” Sam’s voice was remorseful. “A car can be replaced Y/N, you can’t.”  
  
“Sam, I appreciate the concern, but -”  
  
“But nothing Y/N.” His tone had rapidly changed from concerned to frustration, “I don’t know what’s got your thoughts so warped right now, but whatever it is, we need to figure out how to make it stop. You know we care about you. You know we’d risk everything for you. So why are you so hell bent on self destructing?”  
  
“I’m not - “ I tried to start again.  
  
“You are though,” he interrupted. “Drinking full bottles of whiskey in a night, thinking no one notices. Trying to take on an entire nest of vampires alone. Now you’re out, who knows where, alone, and couldn’t even be bothered to let one of us know you were taking off? How is any of that _not_ being self destructive?”  
  
Sam had a point. Maybe he’s right. I was doing things that were dangerous, without so much as a second thought about the outcome.  
  
“Just… come home Y/N. Please? Let’s figure this out together.” I could hear the worry in his voice. “Before something worse happens…”  
  
“Okay Sam.”  
  
“Thank you,” he let out a sigh, “I’ll calm Dean down while we wait for you.”  
  
I hung up the phone, turned the key and headed back toward the bunker. There was no telling what would happen when I arrived, what may be said, or how anyone would react, but I had to at least give them a chance.  
  
After a long, quiet drive back, I pulled into the garage and shut off the engine. Sitting in the silence for a moment, I tried to gather my thoughts before making the walk inside.  
  
Finding the brothers sitting in the library, I took a seat opposite of them and just waited.  
  
“What the **_hell_** were you thinking?!” Dean barked out. “ ** _No one_** drives that car but **_me_**! I don’t even let Sam drive her!”  
  
I toss the keys at him, “she’s fine Dean. Not a single scratch, and I even topped her off before getting here. The only thing she’s got is a few more miles on her, and I didn’t hear her complain at all.”  
  
“That’s not the -” he cut himself off, running a hand down his face, “forget it.”  
  
“What he means to say Y/N,” Sam glared at his brother before looking to me, “is are _you_ okay?”  
  
“I’m fine Sam.” I replied flatly.  
  
“Why did you take off like that? You should have at least -”  
  
“I needed a break Sam. That’s it.” I leaned back in the chair, crossing my arms over my chest and just watching each of them.  
  
“And that break required _my car_?” Dean growled again.  
  
“Required it? No. I’m sure I could have accomplished the same thing taking any one of those other cars,” I smirked a little as I saw his eyes narrow, “but, I can’t say I would have come back as easily if I had taken any other one.”  
  
“What do you mean Y/N? What’s going on? Let us help you…” Sam offered, his last word a soft whisper of a request, “please?”  
  
“There’s nothing to help Sam. I’m fine. I’m just…” my face dropped. I leaned forward, resting my arms on my knees, running my hands over my face slowly.  
  
I didn’t see the shift in Dean. Seeing the hunched over state, and hearing the defeat in my voice, something clicked for him.  
He questioned himself how he had missed it, beating himself up a little inside as he finally recognized state I was in. One he had been in himself, and probably would have never escaped from had it not been for his brother.  
  
“I’m just…” I tried again, “I’m tired of trying to look happy and act _normal_ for you two, because the truth is… I’m not. I haven’t been for a while now. But I just can’t… I don’t have the strength to tell anyone, you know?” I looked between the brothers, hoping they would understand what I was trying desperately to convey.  
  
“Look, Y/N, you know it’s okay, right?” Dean questioned, his voice finally soft, forgetting about the car and focusing on me.  
  
“Nothing about this is okay, Dean… That’s the problem.” I rested my arms on my legs, crossed on my lap as I continued to lean forward, taking interest in the speck of dirt I had found on the floor. Anything to avoid their eyes.  
  
“You’re wrong,” he said flatly, “It’s okay to feel the way you do.” Dean stepped closer, kneeling down in front of me, lifting my head slightly to look into my eyes. “To feel like the whole world is about to collapse on top of you, and in some way you want that more than anything. Because it means all the pain will finally be over. But at the same time, you’re terrified of what would happen if it did.”  
I could tell by the sincere tone of his voice that he was speaking from experience.  
  
“Who-Who are you again?” I smirk, “The Dean I know has never been that profound with me before.”  
  
“You’re not alone in this fight Y/N. The one here in the real world, or the one in that beautiful head of yours. Sam and I,” he looked back at his brother for a brief moment before returning his gaze to me, “we’re here for you sweetheart. In any way you need us to be.”  
  
I smiled, looking up at Sam before returning my gaze to Dean, “what would I do without you two?” I chuckled.  
  
“Survive Y/N. Just like always.” Sam smiled in return.


End file.
